The Rat in the Vat (or Redneck Rainy Day: A Tribute to the late Dr. Seuss)
Author: Stephanie Calabria

The rain was just pouring that cold, cold, cold day
And the guys and I had no poker to play.
The wives were at bingo, the kids were just out
And the boredom had made my friend Hickory pout.

When something went bump
And that bump made a thump.

In from the rain walked this stylish cat.
In from the rain walked a cat who was fat.
He said, "why do you sit there looking forlorn?"
He said, "I've found chips on which we adorn
The presence of dip and the swirling of beer
Let's go," said the cat," for that beer is not here."
So off to the brewery we followed the cat
Off to the beer that was made in a vat.

Then, Joe Bob said, "Stop. For we should not be here.
Our wives would be angry if we drank this beer.
We should not be here while our wives are out."
"We should not be here!" we heard poor Joe Bob shout.

But the cat just replied, "We'll have such a ball
But that is not all; no, no, that is not all."

So over we leaned
and that big vat we cleaned.
And drunk from the beer, we were suddenly shocked
By such a sick sight that some loogies we hocked
To escape the taste of that sickening vat
That disgusting vat; that vat with a rat.

Its body was rotting, though preserved by beer
And someone had swallowed its tail, I fear.
Then Joe Bob yelled," See? We have drunk up a rat.
We drank up that rat 'cause we listened to that...
That cat who is fat and is holding his throat."
And we all could just listen to Joe Bob emote.

"We should not be here while the wives are out;
We shouldn't be here," and we saw Joe Bob pout.

What could we say? What could we do?
Then, Jimmy and Hickory began to spew.
I joined in quickly, and up the beer came
While the rat in the vat remained sadly the same.

Then, running through raindrops, we left that beer vat
We left that beer vat, or the vat with the rat.
When our wives got home, they said, "How was your day?
What kind of male bonding games did you play?"
And we looked at our wives, and they looked at us
And up came more beer with nary a fuss.
And somewhere that fat cat's just laughing out loud
At a rat in a vat; I sure hope he is proud.

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